so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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