i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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