please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
