My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
