He is such a slut. More and more my type.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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