so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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