I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize