That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The air taste purple.
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