plz talk dirty to me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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