i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
