that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
