so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
