Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
