let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
