every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
