I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
