Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
