I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
