But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just cropdusted the office
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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