youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
