Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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