Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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