Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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