Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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