why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize