We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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