I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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