very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
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Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
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To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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