So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize