this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
