I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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