i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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