i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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