Define "chronic" masturbator.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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