Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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