Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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