If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
