y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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