Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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