We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
