i just sent this text using only my big toe
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
