My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
