i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
