wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
