Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
