im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
