What did we do last night that was yellow?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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