It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
