you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh god it's open bar.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
