so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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