dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
should my penis look like a turkey
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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