Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
