Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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