: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
