Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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