I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
