Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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