I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
