I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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