If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
