she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
