Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
