our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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