I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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