You're so nebulous sometimes
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
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Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
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He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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