laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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